Four Nights
by Willow21
Summary: The staff take turns to stay with Josh following his release from the hospital. (Amended and reposted)
1. Default Chapter

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow****  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG  
**

* * *

**

**Part I - Introduction**

When Sam walked down the corridor to Josh's office he could see Donna sat at the desk sorting the work into piles, just as she'd done every day since Josh had been shot. There were the things that Josh's staff could deal with, others that could be done by Sam and Toby and finally there was the work that would have to be dealt with by Leo. It had taken nearly two weeks for Leo to admit that he couldn't do his work and Josh's. When the doctors said that it was going to three months at the very least before Josh could return to work, Leo had finally agreed to let the others help, something that they were all doing willingly. The alternative, bringing someone else in to act as Leo's deputy, was something none of them were willing to entertain.

Donna didn't look up when Sam entered the office. He stood looking around, something was different and he couldn't quite work out what it was, but something was missing. Josh's certificates were still on one wall, his photographs were still there. The old map of Poland was on another wall, the picture of Josh and his grandfather was still there. But something had definitely changed. Maybe it was just because Josh himself wasn't there, Sam decided, then it hit him; the silhouette target had gone from above the stereo.

Donna looked up. "Hey, Sam, what's up?"

"Hey," Sam smiled. "I was just wondering where the target had gone."

Donna looked toward the blank wall. "Zach moved it, it's in the bullpen now. He didn't like to throw it away, but somehow it didn't seem right having it hanging in here."

"He should have burnt it," Sam said with feeling as he sat in the guest chair. "Any of that for me?"

"Just these," Donna indicated a small pile of papers.

Sam studied Donna, she looked tired. "How are you?" he asked.

"Fine," she lied.

"When's Clara back?"

"Friday," Donna replied. "She really didn't want to go. Josh threatened to take her to Dulles himself if she didn't." Yesterday Josh's mother had gone back to Connecticut because her friend's husband had died. Maggie Cookson had no family and Clara was torn between wanting to stay with Josh and wanting to be with her friend. Josh had insisted that he was fine, that he didn't need constant care, that he'd survive if she went away for a few days. Donna had agreed with him. So, reluctantly, Clara had left yesterday afternoon. The funeral was on Thursday and Clara was coming back on Friday. Josh had been home from hospital for just over two weeks and, contrary to what he told his mother, he wasn't fine.

"How is he?" Sam asked.

"You saw him last night."

"I saw him for an hour. He looked tired but he was pretending to be fine." Sam sighed, "I know Josh, he hates admitting he's ill and he hates asking for help even more. You stayed last night, how was he?"

Donna considered what to say. If she told the truth Josh would be angry with her. Sam was his best friend though and he wanted to help, if only Josh would let him. "Not good," she admitted. She saw the alarm on Sam's face, he looked like he may bolt out the door and drive straight to Josh's apartment. "He's not about to have a relapse, don't panic," she said quickly. "He's very tired and still in some pain. It's starting to get him down. He hates being cooped up inside. He can't sleep because of the pain. You're right, he hates having to ask for help." When Josh first came out of hospital he'd been happy and optimistic, now he was frustrated, angry and in pretty low spirits. "I'm worried about him." As she looked at Sam there were tears in her eyes.

Sam stood up, walked round the desk to Donna and crouches down next to her. "You need a proper night's sleep. You're exhausted. I'll stay with him tonight, you go home."

"I promised Clara I'd look after him."

"I don't think she expects you to kill yourself in the process."

"I know," Donna said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be putting this on you."

"Donna. He's not your responsibility," Sam said gently. "He's my best friend. He'd be there for me. I want to help. We all want to help," he saw Donna about to speak and knew what she was going to say. "I know," he interrupted. "He won't want the others stay 'cos he doesn't want them to see how ill he is. He'll let me stay," Sam said with more conviction than he felt.

Donna was quiet for a few minutes while she thought about that. Sam was right, there was no way he'd want CJ or Toby or even Leo to see just how weak and tired he was or how much pain he was still in. He was hiding it from her, she could tell, and that was only making things worse. But maybe he would open up to Sam. They've know each other a long time and are very close. "Yeah," she nodded, "if you're sure you don't mind. It might be good for him to have someone else there."

"I'll leave here early," Sam smiled. "I'll be there about 6."

"One thing though, Sam," Donna said. "Don't take any crap off him. He'll tell you he's fine and to leave him alone."

Sam knew what to expect. He saw Josh in the hospital everyday, but Josh would never let him or any of the others be there when he was having PT, because he didn't want them to see him so weak. He didn't want their pity. "I can be tough," Sam smiled.

'You'd better hope you can,' Donna thought.

* * *

At 1 o'clock Sam was eating a quick lunch in the mess when Leo walked over. "Hey, Sam," Leo sat down, "sorry to interrupt your lunch. Have you talked to CJ yet about tomorrow?" 

"I'm seeing her in 10 minutes."

"Good. Donna gone to Josh's?" Leo asked needlessly.

"Yeah."

"I'm worried about her, Sam, Josh is too. She's doing way too much and with Clara away she's not likely to get much sleep."

"I know," Sam agreed as he finished his fries. "I'm going to stay with Josh for the next few nights to give her a rest."

"That's a good idea." Leo said, wondering if he should have offered himself. Except that he wasn't leaving work until gone midnight most nights, so it really wouldn't have helped anyway. "Don't take it all on yourself though, ask Toby and CJ."

"We thought about that." Sam stood up and he and Leo walked out of the mess. "Josh isn't going to be too happy about me staying. There's no way he's going to let anybody else look after him. He'll spend the entire night pretending he's okay when he isn't."

"Yeah," Leo agreed. "When's Clara back?"

"Friday."

"It's only Monday, you can't stay all week, you'll be exhausted."

"I'll be fine," Sam insisted.

"He'll let me stay," Leo said, trying to remember his schedule. "I can get away early on Wednesday."

"That'll be the first time in five weeks, Leo. You need rest as well."

"Yeah. But you don't have a monopoly on wanting to help," Leo replied. "Talk to Josh about the others staying. We can do one night each."

"He'll hate it."

"He's worried about Donna. The only way she's going to leave him at night is if one of us stays."

"Okay," Sam nodded. "Donna's over there now telling him about tonight."

* * *

When Donna let herself into Josh's apartment, he was sat in a chair watching TV. "That better not be C-Span," she smiled. 

"Course not," he grinned, "I'm watching Friends."

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said. "I'm a little puzzled though." he stood stiffly and followed Donna into the kitchen.

"Go on."

"Well, only two of them appear to have full time jobs, which they hardly ever go to. So how do they afford to live in Greenwich?"

"Ross works in a museum and lives somewhere else. Monica's apartment belongs to her grandmother, her and Rachel both have jobs, sometimes. Chandler works in an office somewhere in Manhattan. Phoebe lives with her grandmother some place else and Joey sponges off the rest of them. Of course that all depends which series you're watching."

Josh smiled at her. "You're a bit of a fan then?"

"Matthew Perry's kind of cute," she smiled back.

"I'm more of a Phoebe fan myself." He took his lunch from her and walked slowly back into the living room.

Donna sat on the couch and ate her lunch. "Toby wanted to send some more stuff for you to read."

"He's becoming obsessed," Josh commented. "He can't really think that we're going to pass laws against what people think and believe. That's heading down a very slippery slope."

"He feels he needs to do something."

"I know," Josh sighed. "But he has to leave it alone now and concentrate on the midterms."

"This is probably a really dumb question, but do you have any painkillers?"

"What's wrong?" Josh asked.

"Headache."

"So we're talking non-prescription then," he smiled, but there was concern in his eyes. "There's some ibuprofen in the bathroom cabinet." Josh watched Donna stand and walk to the bathroom. She looked exhausted and he was worried about her. "Stay at home tonight, Donna, get a good nights sleep. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, cos I'll sleep really well knowing you're here alone."

"I'm not a child," he snapped.

"No, you're not," she replied in the same tone. She returned to the couch and continued quietly, "You almost died five weeks ago. You were only allowed out of hospital so early because there was someone to look after you. Don't look at me like that. You have to learn to accept help. It's not forever."

Josh knew she was right. When he told his mom that she had to go to Jack Cookson's funeral, he didn't actually think of the consequences for himself or Donna. "I know," he said. "I'm a terrible patient. I am grateful for what you're doing. I don't know how I'd have coped without you. But I don't want you to get ill. You're working 8 hour days and then coming here. At least when my mom's here, you go home and sleep, but how much sleep did you get last night?"

"Enough."

"Come on," he said, "I slept for about 3 hours, so you didn't get much more. Stay at home. I can always call someone if I need anything."

"Sam's offered to stay tonight," she said tentatively.

"He doesn't need to stay."

"I'm not leaving you alone."

"I'm alone all day."

"That's completely different."

"I know." Josh sighed, he also knew when he was beat. "Is it the only way you're going to stay at home and sleep?" Josh asked and Donna nodded. "Okay then," he agreed and then smiled, "It wouldn't have mattered whether I'd agreed or not would it?"

"No," she smiled. "He'll be here around 6. Which is actually why he's doing it, he gets out of work early."

_Part Two....._


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG  
**

* * *

**

**Part II - Monday Night**

Josh walked out of his bedroom and watched Sam tidy the magazines and papers in the living room. "You'll make someone a great wife you know that," he smiled.

"Hey. I didn't wake you did I?" Sam asked and Josh shook his head. "You know, Josh, if you put things away after you've used them then you'll always know where to find them."

"Okay," Josh replied indulgently. "Something smells good."

"Are you hungry?" Sam asked. Josh's appetite had been virtually non existent since he was shot.

"Starving, my appetite seems to have returned with a vengeance. What we having?"

"Pasta," Sam replied. "It was either that or baked potatoes."

"You want me to...."

"Sit down," Sam interrupted, "it should be done." He went into the kitchen and Josh sat down in a chair and turned the TV to C-Span. "Turn that off," Sam called from the kitchen. Josh sighed and flicked channels for a while, eventually settling on Star Trek Voyager. Sam carried in two plates of pasta and they sat and eat in silence while watching Captain Janeway trying to negotiate safe passage through Borg space. It appeared to be Star Trek night, because next was Star Trek First Contact. Josh lasted until Data was captured by the Borg Queen, but he was fading fast. "Go to bed," Sam told him.

"But then I'll never know whether they successfully return the timeline back to normal," he smiled.

"I think we can assume they will," Sam grinned.

"Yeah," Josh agreed. He stood slowly and went to bed. "Night."

Sam washed the dishes and then sat down in front of the TV with some papers he brought with him. At around 2.30 he saw the light come on in Josh's room. He waited to see if Josh came out, when he didn't Sam went over and knocked on the door. "You okay?" he asked. When there was no reply he opened the door and looked in. "Josh?" he said, walking to the bed. Josh was breathing heavily, his eyes are closed but the pain was etched on his face. "Josh?" Sam asked, "what's wrong?"

Josh tried to steady his breathing, there were shooting pains in his chest, and breathing so hard wasn't helping. He opened his eyes, "I'm okay," he said quietly.

"You need anything?" Sam asked, trying not to show the panic he was feeling.

"Some painkillers. They're in a bottle in the night stand," Josh replied.

Sam was a little shocked that Josh needed help to get them, but he took the bottle out and handed Josh two and a glass of water. Josh sat up gingerly, closing his eyes again against the pain and took the pills, slumping slowly back down on the bed and trying to take regular breaths like the therapist had taught him. He could sense Sam still hovering, wanting to help. Josh wanted to yell at him to go away and leave him alone to die in peace. But instead he said nothing. "You need anything else?" Sam asked.

"I'll be okay in a minute," Josh replied quietly.

Sam took that as his cue to leave. "Just yell if you want me," he said and left the room. He sat back down and picked up the report he was reading. He couldn't concentrate on the words though, he kept glancing toward the bedroom. He had no idea that Josh was still in so much pain. After half an hour he gave up and went into the kitchen to make a coffee.

"You okay?" Josh asked him from the doorway.

"Me?" Sam asked. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"The painkillers are pretty effective," Josh smiled slightly, "it's just a pity they wear off."

"You want one?" Sam indicated the coffee. Josh shook his head, just the thought of it made him feel sick. "Is it always that bad?" Sam asked.

Josh wasn't about to tell Sam that tonight hadn't been too bad so far. "Nah, I must have lay funny," he lied. "Shouldn't you get some sleep?"

"I'm working."

"It's 3am." Josh said.

"Yeah but the midterms aren't too far off," Sam replied.

Josh needed to sit down before he fell down. He walked into the living room and sat in a chair. "What you working on?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you."

"Secret plans eh?" Josh smiled. "I thought that was my field of expertise."

"It is," Sam smiled back. "This, though, has nothing to do with inflation. Would you believe that we're back on English as the National Language?"

"Yeah I would. So go on. "

"Okay," Sam sighs, "Leo and Donna will kill me, but what do you think?"

"I think Joey was right. Why do you need a law to protect the language of Shakespeare," Josh replied.

"You don't like Shakespeare."

"True," Josh was quiet for a minute. "I don't think we need a National Language, or at least we don't need a Bill passed to dictate what language we speak." Then he smiled, "But if we have to have one, then I'd prefer it to be English."

"'Cos that's the only language you speak?" Sam commented.

"No. But I think the chances of Polish getting the nomination are slim."

Sam wasn't listening though, he was routing through the papers. "Okay, what about this?" he said. "According to the 1990 census there are 329 languages spoken in the US."

"Okay."

"Did you know that if the number of Americans whose English-speaking ability was classified 'not well' or 'not at all' continues to rise as it did between the 1980 and 1990 Census, then by the year 2050 there will be over 21 million people unable to speak English in the United States, that's 5.75 percent of the entire population." Sam looked back his file and then continued. "In 1994, the IRS printed and distributed 500,000 copies of 1040 forms and instruction booklets in Spanish, costing $113,000, and manned an 800-number hotline with Spanish-speakers. Of the half-million forms distributed, only 718 were returned. That makes the cost of each completed form $157."

"So you're arguing that not having a National language is costing money?"

"I'm saying that there are many valid argument that we need a common language."

"Dictating which language immigrants and their children should speak could, in fact should, be considered bigoted and racist."

"But we're all descendants of immigrants," Sam pointed out. "Surely having a national language provides stability."

"Where's this going?"

"When your parents came here, they were expected to learn to speak English?"

"I guess."

"Why should it be different for immigrants today?"

Josh looked at Sam and frowned. "Please tell me you're writing the opposition paper."

"Of course I am. You don't think I'm actually in favor of a National Language do you?"

"Thank God for that," Josh smiled. "I've only been away 5 weeks, I thought we'd completely reversed our policy."

"You know there are some in the Republican party, mainly Senator Baxter, who think that everyone should have to speak English at home."

"How would they enforce that?" Josh asked.

"I don't think they've considered that part," Sam replied. "It always amazes me when kids speak English to their friends and a different language to their family. They make it look like the most natural thing to do."

"I grew up speaking English and Polish," Josh told him. "I'd speak English to my friends, and to my parents most of the time, but I usually spoke Polish to my grandfather. It is natural, it's just what you grow up doing."

"You speak Polish?"

"Yeah," Josh replied.

"You'd have been in trouble if Baxter had his way," Sam smiled.

_Part Three....._

* * *

NOTE:  
The argument about immigrants having to speak English at home was taken from a proposal by a Conservative Member Of Parliament here in the UK. Thankfully he seems to have been ignored. The figures and information used in the English As The National Language discussion are from the Language Policy web site and links from their site.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG

* * *

**Part III - Tuesday Night**

CJ was snoozing on the couch when she heard a door open and close again. She lay in the darkness and listened in case he needed anything. When she heard Josh throwing up, she sat up, but decided he needed his privacy and waited for him to emerge. Five minutes later she stood up, walked to the bathroom and knocked gently on the door. "Josh, are you alright?"

"Yeah," Josh replied unconvincingly.

"Can I come in?" CJ asked, but Josh didn't reply. "Josh? If you don't answer I'm coming in anyway." She heard the light turn off and the bathroom door opened. Josh walked, slowly and not very steadily, past her and back to his room without saying a word. CJ followed him in and turned the bedside light on. "You need anything?"

"Darkness," Josh replied, but he didn't have the strength to turn the light back off. He sighed and then winced as the slight movement increased the pain that throwing up caused. "You could pass me a couple of painkillers out of the top drawer," he whispered.

CJ opened the drawer. There's a pill bottle and three blister packs of different kinds of medication. "Which ones?" she asked.

"The bottle," Josh replied. CJ looked worriedly at Josh, who was lying with his eyes closed, obviously in considerable pain. She handed him the pills and the glass of water off the night stand. "Thanks," Josh said. He tried to sit up but a stabbing pain took his breath away and made him lie straight back down again. CJ put her hand behind his head and helped him sit a little, while he took the painkillers.

"You need anything else?"

"Just turn the light out and leave me alone." He could feel tears in his eyes and the last thing he wanted was for CJ to see him crying on top of everything else. Tonight had been his worse night for a week. He woke up from a nightmare, but he couldn't really remember what it was about. The pain from tossing and turning in his sleep made him throw up. The pain from that was almost unbearable. He really didn't need pity on top of that. It was too late though, a tear escapes down his cheek as he turned his head away.

CJ could feel tears welling in her own eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat and turned the light out, to give Josh the privacy he obviously needed. She walked back in to the lounge, turned the TV on and lay back on the couch. She was determined not to fall asleep and was surprised when she opened her eyes to find the room was light. She looked at her watch, 5.30, she'd been asleep for 5 hours. She looked toward Josh's bedroom and saw the door was open. She sat up quickly, too quickly, and fell off the couch.

"Careful," said an amused voice from above her.

"It's not funny, that hurt," she groaned. "How are you?" she asked as she sat back on the couch.

"Fine," Josh replied, putting a coffee on the table.

"Thanks," CJ said. She watched Josh as he sat down in the chair. He did look okay, if a little pale. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah."

"Josh, don't lie to me!"

"Why bother asking the question when you know the answer?" he asked a little grumpily.

"Sorry," CJ said quietly. She had no idea how to handle Josh in this mood. She wasn't even sure what mood he was in.

"No, I'm sorry. Thanks for last night," Josh smiled slightly.

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah you did. You were there"

"Is it always that bad?" she asked.

When Sam asked that question Josh had lied, because Monday night was a good night for him. Today though there was no need to lie to CJ. "No. Last night was pretty bad." He'd got up twice more, but was careful not to wake her. And he hadn't actually slept at all. As soon as daylight had come through the curtains, he'd got up. He can see that CJ needed more. "I had PT yesterday. It takes it out of me," which was a massive understatement.

"Is that where Donna was yesterday afternoon?" CJ asked and Josh nodded. "It almost took a presidential order to keep her away last night," CJ smiled. "You should have told me."

"I know, but it wasn't that bad until I went to bed."

"How are you now then, really?" CJ asked.

Josh smiled sheepishly. "Sore," he said. "I'll be alright in a couple of hours." He smiled, "I have to alright by lunch or Donna'll tell my mom and she'll be on the first flight back."

"Mom's worry, it's what they do," CJ smiled. "When is she back?"

"Friday," he replied. "She's had a shit few weeks. First me getting shot and now Jack dying."

"Were they close?"

"She's known his wife, Maggie, for over 25 years. Maggie married Jack about 10 years ago. Her first husband beat her, there was nowhere for her to go, to get away from him. She stayed with us and eventually he gave up and moved on. She decided that something needed to be done to help women in her situation. My mom and our neighbor helped her set up a shelter. It took them quite some time to get permission from the relevant authorities and to raise the money, but my mom doesn't give up on something she believes strongly in."

"Now I know who you take after," CJ smiled.

_Part Four....._


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG

* * *

**Part IV - Wednesday Night**

Josh opened the door and let Leo into his apartment. "You brought enough stuff?" he asked.

"There's not that much. Anyway, most of it's yours."

"You should ask for a raise," Josh smiled and closed the door. "You want anything to eat?"

"You're not cooking," Leo said.

"I can cook."

"You can sit down."

"Leo," Josh started to protest.

"Sit. We'll order Chinese."

"Okay," Josh agreed.

Leo made coffee, while Josh ordered the food. Thirty minutes later they were sat eating dinner and watching TV. "You've not got much food there, Josh," Leo commented, looking at Josh's rice and spring roll.

"I'm not really hungry."

Leo watched him intently. "Bad day?"

"No. I'm just tired, I didn't sleep much last night."

Leo nodded, but didn't ask. He'd known Josh a long time and knew better than to pry, if Josh wanted to tell him he would. They finished the food and Leo cleared away. When he came back into the lounge Josh was reading through one of the files.

Leo frowned and shook his head. "Put that down."

"Ah come on. Reading one file is hardly likely to put me back in hospital. I'm going crazy here, Leo."

Leo watched his deputy. Josh looked tired and drawn, but there was a sparkle in his eyes at the thought of being even slightly involved in some work.

"Yeah okay. I could do with your opinion on it anyway," Leo told him.

There'd been a lot over the last few weeks that they could have used Josh's opinion on. It was amazing how much you missed someone when they were suddenly not there. It wasn't always true that nobody was indispensable. Or perhaps Leo was just biased. They sat and discussed the report for an hour and Josh felt more alive than he had for weeks. Leo watched him and decided that maybe the ban on involving Josh in midterm elections should be lifted, a little anyway. He certainly appeared to be enjoying himself.

Once they'd finished, Leo made some tea. "Enough work," he said as he down. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"How was PT yesterday?"

"Same as always," was Josh's informative reply.

"Josh, don't do that, not with me."

Josh glared at Leo. "Painful. Is that what you want to hear? That I spent most of yesterday and last night throwing up because of the pain?" he asked.

"CJ didn't say," Leo said with concern.

Josh shrugged. "I'm good at hiding it"

"Throwing up?"

"She caught me once," he said quietly.

"Why won't you let people help you?"

"I don't want pity, Leo," Josh snapped, something he knew he was doing more and more these days.

"Nobody pities you. Your friends want to help you." Leo saw the look in Josh's eyes, a mixture of anger, frustration and fear, and his heart went out to the younger man. "It's not forever, Josh, you're getting better. You have to give yourself time."

"It's been over five weeks."

"Are you saying you feel no better now than you did five weeks ago?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Josh snapped again. He sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just.... CJ found me throwing up last night, and then she caught me..... I was in pain and, upset," he said quietly. "I don't want them seeing me like that." He found it easier to be honest with Leo, who had known him most of his life, and with Donna, though he has no idea why.

"I know," Leo said. "But they want to help, we all do. You nearly died, Josh." He watched Josh intently. "Five weeks ago last Monday, we nearly lost you." He paused while he regained his composure. The thought that Josh had nearly been taken from them was still very raw. "We just want to help," he repeated.

"I know," Josh said. "I wish I could let you."

_Part Five....._


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG

* * *

**Part V - Thursday Night**

Toby walked from his car and up the front stoop of Josh's building. He rang the bell and waited for Josh to answer.

"Hello."

"Donna?"

"Hey, Toby, come in," Donna replied.

Josh looked at her from the couch and smiled. "You are so cruel."

"I know," she grinned. She felt much better knowing that everyone was helping look after Josh. She knew he'd hate her putting it like that, but that was how it was. She opened the apartment door and let Toby in, trying not to laugh at the slightly frightened look he gave her. "Coffee?" she asked him.

"Please," Toby replied glancing toward Josh, who was also trying hard not to laugh, but with less success than Donna. "I thought Donna was staying at home tonight?" Toby asked Josh quietly.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Toby looked worriedly at the stuff he'd bought with him.

Donna watched them from the kitchen. Leo had talked to her this morning about letting Josh get involved in the elections. She'd not been convinced at first, but he'd talked her round. She'd told Josh at lunch and he looked happier than she'd seen him in weeks. Leo hadn't had chance to tell Toby though, and Donna was going to have a little fun with him.

"What you got there?" she asked Toby as she handed him a coffee. "You've just had one," she told Josh, who was giving her a questioning look.

"What am I, rationed or something?"

"You know where the kitchen is," she smiled and sat down.

"Fine," Josh said, standing and walking to the kitchen.

Donna followed him. "What you doing?" she asked.

"Making a coffee," he replied.

"Fine," she said and went back to the lounge. "So, Toby?"

Much to everyone's amusement, Toby was a little scared of Donna and her rules on visiting Josh. "It's just some stuff for me to read later," he said quickly. "When Josh is in bed."

Josh sat down. "You sound like you're babysitting," he commented, only half in jest. He was still a little touchy about everyone rallying round, no matter what Leo had said. "Can I have a look?"

"Josh," Donna said. "You know the rules."

"Don't you have to be at Keep Fit with Candi?" Josh asked.

Donna looked at her watch. "Not for ages yet. Don't you even think about opening those files."

"She's right. We'll watch TV and have something to eat," Toby said hastily.

"Stop torturing him," Josh laughed. "Leo partially lifted the ban on work. I'm allowed to help with the midterms," he told Toby.

Toby looked at Donna. "Does that go for you too?"

"Leo'll be flattered," Josh smiled. He looked at Donna, "Keep Fit?"

"Yes I'm going," she grinned. "Good luck," she told Toby, "you'll need it."

"Bye," Josh called.

"Why'd you let her do that to me?" Toby asked.

"It was her last chance," Josh shrugged. "You hungry?"

"Yes. Pizza?"

After they'd eaten, Josh started to flick through one of the reports that Toby had bought with him. "Are you sure you're allowed?" Toby asked.

"Yes, I'm a grown man, I can make my own decisions, and anyway Donna's not here," he smiled. Then he watched Toby seriously. "What's going on, Toby?" he indicated the files that Toby's brought.

"With what?"

"You."

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes you do. None of this stuff is about the midterms." Josh knew that Toby was on a mission to get the hate groups and he didn't think it was healthy. "You want to get round the Bill Of Rights by claiming there was a conspiracy and giving the FBI grounds to investigate."

"What's wrong with that?"

"It's just wrong," Josh told him. "You can't investigate and arrest people because you don't agree with their views. It's not the way we do things."

"No?" Toby asked angrily. "Well look what happens when we do things the right way."

Josh nodded. "But you agree that the way we do things is the right one?"

"Yeah," Toby muttered. "I just think we'd all feel better if there was something we could do to get justice," he said quietly.

"The shooters are dead, Toby, the signal guy's in prison. What else do you want?" Josh asked.

Toby was glaring at Josh. He'd hated these people all his life. He couldn't understand why Josh didn't want to go and get them all. "Why don't you hate them?" he asked.

"They're dead."

"Not the shooters. The people who sent them, the people who support them, who hate us because of what we are."

"I do," Josh said quietly.

"Then how can you not want to get them. How can you not want to hurt them like they hurt you?"

Josh considered how to answer that. He was tired and in pain. He'd accepted that it was going to be months before he was fully recovered. But, as much as he hated the people who did this, he didn't think that steaming into Blacksburg and arresting them was going to help anyone.

"They attacked us because they don't agree with our beliefs," Josh said. "They don't agree that it's fine for a black guy to date a white girl. If we attack them because we disagree with their beliefs, how does that make us any better than them?"

"We didn't break the law."

"They have a right to free assembly, no mater how much we disagree with them. We can't legislate against people's beliefs, only their actions."

"But our beliefs are the right ones."

"Yes they are," Josh agreed. He looked at Toby. "We have to move on, Toby. Otherwise they've won."

"I wish it were that easy."

"It's not easy, believe me I know that."

There was one thing that Toby had been feeling guilty about since August 7th. One thing he needed to get off his chest. Maybe now wasn't the right time. Maybe Josh wasn't the right person. If it were him who'd been shot though, he'd hate people to tiptoe around him, and he was pretty sure Josh felt the same.

"I wrote the memo," Toby said quietly.

"What memo?"

"The one telling the Secret Service that the President wouldn't use the canopy."

"Yes I know," Josh said. "I was in the meeting. I agreed with you, we all agreed that it was a good idea. You may have actually written the memo and taken it to him to sign. But we all agreed, and he signed it. None of this is your fault. Everyone feels guilty about this and it's ridiculous"

"They do?" Toby sounded dubious.

"Yes." Josh can feel himself getting angry, he tried to calm down. "Charlie and Zoey feel guilty because they were the targets. Leo because I should have been with him. Sam & CJ think they should have looked for me. The President, God knows why. Donna feels guilty because she wasn't there. And now you, because you wrote a memo?" Josh asked. "Toby, you found me. People were walking past and ignoring me. I'd just about given up. Then I heard you calling me and I held onto that. If you hadn't come when you did..... the doctors said that another 5 minutes and I'd have died. Another couple of minutes even and there'd have been brain damage. But you found me and I am going to be fine. So enough of the guilt okay. Concentrate on the midterms. That's how we beat them, the people who hate us because of what we are. That's how we win. By coming back even stronger than we were before."

Toby knew that Josh was right. He just wasn't sure he could do that, he didn't know whether he could let this go. He could see that the discussion had left Josh exhausted though, and he understood why Donna had been banning him from visiting. "You want a drink or something?" he asked.

"No thanks. I'm gonna to go to bed." Josh stood slowly up. "Think about what I said. I'll see you in the morning."

_Part Six..._


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Four Nights  
Author: Willow  
Summary:** Josh has been home from hospital for two weeks and he's not a well as he says he is.  
**Spoilers/Episode:** Up to season 2, Midterms.  
**Characters:** Ensemble  
**Rating:** PG

* * *

**Part VI **

Clara's flight was cancelled and she couldn't get another one until early evening. By the time she'd arrived back at Josh's apartment it was 10pm and he'd gone to bed. Now it was 1.30 and she couldn't sleep. She hadn't liked to disturb him when she got in, but she couldn't settle until she'd seen him. She stood up and went to the kitchen to make a drink. As she closed the fridge door she smiled, "You use to do that when you were a kid."

"Sneak up behind you in the middle of the night?" Josh asked with a smile.

"Yes, you haven't got any better at it." Clara turned and gently hugged her son.

"What time did you get in?"

"About 10. I didn't want to wake you."

"I tried to stay awake," he smiled sheepishly.

"You use to that when you were a kid as well," she smiled, as they walked into the lounge and sat down. Clara had been a very concerned about leaving Josh, although she knew he wasn't alone. She'd also been worried when Donna told her that the work ban had been lifted a little. "How are you?"

"If I said fine would you believe me?" he asked.

"No."

"I'm actually feeling better than I have since the shooting. I had a bad night on Tuesday after PT, but other than that I've been okay, honestly."

"So you don't need me?" Clara asked with a slight smile.

"I wouldn't go that far," Josh admitted. "Another few days maybe."

"We'll see," she told him. "Donna tells me that you're working."

"Mom," he whined, "it's half past one in the morning. Please don't nag me."

"I'm not nagging. I'm concerned. I'm your mother, it's what mother's do."

"That's what CJ says," Josh smiled. "I'm bored stupid. I really can't watch much more daytime TV and I've run out of physics books," he grinned. "It's not like I'm doing much, just reading reports and giving my opinion. Anyway, Leo and Donna are checking everything that's sent."

Clara studied Josh while he was talking. His eyes were full of life and when he smiled it lit up his face. He hadn't looked this happy for weeks. Maybe a little work from the office would be good for him. He was far too much like Noah who, even when he was at his illest, couldn't leave work alone. She noticed Josh watching her questioningly and she smiled, "I was just thinking how much you're like your father."

"Thanks. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time."

END


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